Friday, July 19, 2013

Lone Ranger Rides Again – a story about a ranger and his bear, as told/sold on eBay Dec. 2008

Note:  The following is a copy of the eBay description of an item I sold in 2008.  I am putting the story up on the blog just for the fun of it.  The Lone Ranger and his fuzzy bear are long gone to a new home, so  don't send emails offering me large sums of money for him.  I apologise for the images.  These were photographed long ago, and had to be resurrected by the magic of computer technology from an old word document where they were low resolution files in a rich text format, that was, in reality, not so rich.

Okay, at first glance, you might think, "Hey, The Lone Ranger is Riding a Bear!"  Well, you are correct, but that's not the whole story...

I know you can still hear the stirring music from the black and white TV in your living room, and the announcer saying  "... the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains led the fight for law and order in the early West.  Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear...  The Lone Ranger Rides Again!" (Remember, –resourseful.)

Just before the scene opens, the Lone Ranger was sitting astride his fiery horse, Silver, awaiting the return of his trusty Indian companion, Tonto.  Tonto had ridden into town with orders to skulk around looking for bad guys who were rumored to be planning a hostile takeover of the local home mortgage lender.

As you recall, Silver was a "fiery" horse and, with the speed of light, in a cloud of dust, Silver made a quick crow-hop to avoid an empty lard can thrown out of a covered wagon, leaving the Lone Ranger  sittin' on nothin', way up in the air.

Well he landed pretty hard and realized the jarring thump had stirred his bladder and he really needed to take a leak. 

So... modestly facing the arroyo wall, pistols in hand just in case, LR was heeding the call when a black bear came around the corner and thought he looked just like lunch!

LR detected the bear's approach and with lightning reflexes, honed by years of trying to keep his white ranger suit clean in the dusty, dusty wild west, he turned to face his foe, pistols still in hand.

The bear turned right around, thinking, "Whoa! A man with a mask?  What's up with that?  Halloween was months ago!   How does he keep that suit so clean? And how did he zip up with a pistol in each hand?"  

While the bear was preoccupied with these "bearzarre" thoughts, LR got the drop on him and hopped (no, not HOPPY -- that's another story –stay with us) on the bear's back, and rode him to a stand-still!

Several thoughts went through LR's head as he sat on the bear.  The first was, "Where the heck is Silver?" The second thought was, "Wow, this furry seat is really comfy on my butt!" The third was, "As a matter of managerial protocol, should I be sitting lower than my trusty companion, Tonto, on his pony, Paint?"  After brief consideration he shrugged and muttered to himself, "Oh, well, we can catch a prairie dog for Tonto to ride as soon as he gets back from town." 

"A fuzzy bear with the speed of grandma, a few small puffs of dust, and a hearty Hi-Yo, Fuzzy! The Lone Ranger!  With his faithful Indian companion, Tonto (riding Little Sparky), the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains...  The Lone Ranger rides again!"

Tune in again next week, but until then, this small plastic Lone Ranger figure and plastic bear are up for grabs.  LR is 2 & 1/2" tall and 2" wide.  Condition is good with some light wear from play.  Fuzzy is 2" long, and similar condition.  Fuzzy has "Made in Hong Kong" on his belly.  How he got out west, I'll never know.  They have been riding together on my bookcase for about 20 years.

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